Often when we are in the midst of change, we fail to see how far we’ve come because we don’t see the hard evidence of our efforts or beliefs in effecting an outcome. Change can often be so subtle, a shift over time that we don’t see it until all at once, we do. In my office I have a small lemon tree. I inherited this little tree from my daughter who was in a competition with her Dad as to who could most successfully grow a tree from the seeds of an Italian lemon that they’d used for lemon picatta one night at dinner. Her father, Paul, has an uncanny knack for growing just about anything to monstrous proportions so it was almost a win/loose right out of the gate. As Paul’s lemon seed seemed to burst from the ground at a speed almost recognizable by the naked eye, Kaitlyn’s little seed took quite some time to forage from the earth below.
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Letting go of the people and situations that no longer serve us can often be one of the most difficult things we can do. For some, it is because of the time invested and the hope of change. For others, it may be the fear of the unknown or how that relationship ending will shift other relationships, or even change status is some way, shape or form. There is uncertainty with change. that is a given. As my friend Kim once said as she was in the midst of a divorce, “They say that when one door closes, another opens. What they fail to mention is that it’s hell in the hallways.” And that is often the truth.
I think many of us find ourselves in a place of wanting to make a change or wanting to try something new but somehow when we try to wrap our minds around how to do that, we become overwhelmed by the “how.” Others of us may be just in a place of feeling uncomfortable – of wanting a change but not knowing what that change could even be – never mind putting the pieces together to get there. I recall back in college 40 years ago, I lived with a sorority sister in an apartment close to campus. One day the freezer stopped working, which was actually no surprise as there was ice build up so thick that we could barely fit anything in the freezer anyway. I woke up to a hammering and wandered out to see what was going on. I found my roommate with an ice pick in one hand and a hammer in the other, banging away at the mountain of ice. I recall being fascinated by her – wondering why she didn’t’ do what I would have which was just to call the super to have him figure it out. My roommate, Heidi, perhaps because of our past interaction with this “super,” understood that essentially we wouldn’t have a working freezer for weeks based on his past history of efficiency in standard building maintenance. Instead, Heidi made the choice that morning to take matters into her own hands. In retrospect, perhaps it might have been more prudent for us to just defrost the thing – I’m sure Heidi was lucky that she didn’t puncture a cooling pipe, but that didn’t seem to occur to either of us at that time. I tell this story because it was in that moment for the first time that I realized that I would never consider doing what Heidi was doing – and a bit of me was in awe that Heidi showed absolutely no hesitation. It was at that moment that I realized that the reason I would never do this was because I was afraid to do so – perhaps because I didn’t trust myself to make good choices, or perhaps I didn’t trust myself in being able to solve the problem. An ice pick and hammer was right up there with “running with scissors” in my alarm center of things you don’t do, or that I didn’t do, rather.” As I reflect back on this, I realized that I had been operating my life with certain belief systems in place that I wasn’t capable of getting things done. Strangely enough, I just hadn’t realized it until that moment.
There are times in life in which you have an understanding so profound that it feels as though a light turns on and you see things clearly for the first time. It is at these times that we have a great opportunity to align ourselves in our truth, and see past the illusion that we misunderstand about ourselves. For me, that morning was one of mine. My thoughts shifted from “can’t” to “why not”, and, from that point forward, I became a “doer”, and this has made all the difference for me – not just because of a belief shift about myself, but because it has allowed me to actually get my hands down in the dirt and realize my own capabilities. Aside from a few wallpaper faux paux, as well the fact that I make my very Type A husband crazy because I don’t read direcitions, I’ve been much happier in all of my “doing.” It’s how I learn. When I try something and it doesn’t work, I have a better understanding as to the why and how that it does works, by example of how it doesn’t – I know this sounds like a riddle but it’s actually the truth. This, coupled by the fact that I work extremely fast, allows me the time to undo and redo, sans directions, in less time. At some point, I may address my fear of directions instilled in my by IKEA in the 80’s, but for now, this works! Becoming a “doer” has been empowering for me, and is something I’m proud of. My mother gave me one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever received on the day of my daughter’s wedding. As I was swinging upside down on the trellis with a staple gun in one hand, throwing staples into the wrapped tulle to secure it to the post, my Mom said to me, “You so remind me of my Mother. She was fearless, and so are you.” Wow, I thought. Fearless. I hadn’t understood until that moment how to describe what it was, but I knew I liked it! As I now am facing my own desire to make a change in my career, I’m feeling a little less fearless. For the first time I will be stepping out from behind the scenes and into the spotlight –and that scares me a bit. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m taking a leap of faith, or because of the unknown, or both. And then I realized that understanding my hesitancy is a step. I picture pick-flailing Heidi and I laugh as I think, “What would Heidi do?” The question I realize is actually my own. “What would Kris do?” My answer…”Kris would take the next step in following her dream. No one knows better than Kris, and Kris knows”. Just like that, fearless is back. I just need to keep stepping. What matters to me is simple. My life is about the people that I love, the experiences that I have, and the positive changes that I can make – for myself and for others. I’ve been called by something to follow my path of healing, fulltime, because this is my gift and it is my purpose. I will keep my eye on the prize, and the rest will follow…step-by-step becomes a beautiful journey. I can’t wait to see what’s next! Over the past few months, I have been really working on defining what I want to do with the rest of my life. Not a mid life crisis, mind you - I'm long past that- I just have been feeling the call to do something more meaningful and on point for me. I think that this pandemic has allowed many of to do some life reflection and to ask if what we are doing with our time is really full-filling our true purpose. For me, it took about a minute and a half to realize that the answer to that question was no. So, with a no, I had to figure out how I could re-order my life and move out of my present position as an insurance specialist - I know, I know....insurance...what took me so long?
What is illusion other than seeing and believing in something that isn’t real. How can we tell the difference? What hinders our ability to see truth?
We live in a world today in which we find ourselves at a loss – at a loss for ourselves, for our world, for each other. Things change seemingly overnight, and we often feel as though we are atop quick sand, never feeling stability or sense of purpose of rightfulness of ownership. It is from this vantage point that we seek to justify, to explain and to understand – putting into perspective what we believe we see with what is. And that is how illusion is created. Often we find ourselves unable to ask for what we truly want because we are afraid that if we asked, we might be told “no”. And the expectation of the denial prevents us from taking the steps to what we say and believe that we truly want. If we do this long enough, we find ourselves with decades under our belt of not ever even asking the question; resulting in us feeling unfulfilled, unhappy and often filled with resentment for other who seemly have it all. And we build our defense against why we don’t have what we truly want with stories of “this and that” that have led to our perceived disadvantages. In reality, we trap ourselves from getting what we desire because we don’t have the confidence to ask. We simply assume the “no.” But herein lies the illusion because we don’t understand the power of the “no”.
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AuthorKristyn Baker, CECP, is an intuitive energy healer and writer. Her forty years of working with energy medicine has evolved as she has expanded her own healing abilities and understandings. Combining her abilities as an Emotion Code practitioner and Simpson Protocol practioner with her intuitive insights and channeling, opens opportunities to heal and to release what no longer serves. . Archives
January 2023
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